Okay it’s time I made an effort to learn who Tsubaki Factory actually are. So I will make a brief DVD Mag review post to aid my studies. Handily at the start there’s a close-up moment with each member so here I go. Wish me luck!
Okay so that’s Turtle-chan. Or possibly Gail from Coronation Street.
Okay definitely Turtle-chan.
Yurina! They let her back in?
One of the Muppets? I’ll just call her Fuzzyfelt-Muppetface. Too harsh?
The Boston Strangler?
Err…Generic Idol 7.0.
Miyamoto NacchiSpock. Honestly those scientists with their 3 person embryos!
Johnny (foreigner)? Okay she’s not foreign but sort of looks it. Oh her name is Akiyama Mao? I know…Chairman Mao. I hope she doesn’t get too close to the Boston Strangler. With her as the henchidol we could quickly see the rise of an Idol’s Republic of H!P. The civil war that would ensue would probably lead to mass graduations and half the idols moving to Taiwan which is ironically where Mao looks like she comes from.
Okay onwards we go. The DVD can be split into a few sections (but then it will refuse to play in the DVD player). Alternatively you can use it as it was intended and watch the idols perform various tasks or you can use it as an expensive coaster. If you choose to watch the idols then the program is split into various parts. The members are put into three teams and will compete. The first part is what I call the “even though I’m in Chewbacca Factory I can’t cry” section. Basically it’s various members (one from each of the three teams) going into a room on their own and attempting to cry. The DVD lasts one hour and eight minutes but this section feels like it lasts about 5 days.
“I want to be in a group with Maimai. Damn it’s not working.”
“Mummybot said I was created from a faulty factory image of Chinami”.
“Why can’t I be human?”
“I really fancy some lettuce and I don’t have any lettuce. Damn can turtles even cry?”
Well one of them succeeded.
Up next is a writing things down new members intro type thing.
It has Kiki-Aichan and Natsuspock in it which relieves the boredom as honestly they both stand out in good yet, perhaps fittingly for Tsubaki, still awkward and somewhat humorous ways.
Next up it’s spicy food eating. All members of the teams will take turns until one plate is finished.
Yeah I’m not sure the Chairman likes it. I expect heads will roll come the revolution.
“Hmm…this isn’t lettuce”.
Next up is SpaceyAichan. Wait, just how many of these members were created from slightly damaged factory images? Well with Kiki I don’t care. She’s my favourite member of Tsubaki by about a million miles. She is very pretty, seems very sweet and no matter what the situation, no matter where they are, she is guaranteed to have at least one moment every ten seconds where she looks like she’s thinking “wait, did I leave the iron on?” Or maybe “what is the meaning of life?” “Why am I here?” “What are we doing again?” And perhaps also “I could have sworn today was Thursday”.
“Did I remember to lock the front door?”
Well one team isn’t enjoying it.
Up next is a fun guess what’s in the box section. Like with the food section this is good for getting great reactions…
She is smiling but I think we know deep down Turtle-chan is disappointed it wasn’t lettuce.
Kiki’s team is up next and well that’s not a reaction that will soothe the nerves…
It’s just some lizards and they haven’t even grown to monster size following an accident with some radiation!
Part-way through and Kiki goes from smiling at Nacchispock to wondering if llamas ever get lonely or something.
Kiki and Fuzzyfelt also have an amusing moment when they touch hands in the box and both freak out…
The final group get a snake…
Not being human, Generic Idol isn’t afraid of snakes…
Unlike a certain cute Aidol who I shall adopt and give a safe snake-free home to…
Leave my Kiki alone!
Hmm…I’m not sure as a fashion trend that’ll take off.
Weirdly Boston doesn’t like the snake that much. Since both have the ability to strangle you’d have thought there’d be a bond. Her reactions are funny though…
There then follows a weird wipe the floor race which I suspect is the production team cutting down on costs by saving on cleaning-up fees…
Then there’s time for some shaved ice. From the reactions I think it’s been laced with some kind of mind-bending drugs that make the person consuming it feel like they have ascended to some orgasmic paradise…
Then before the DVD finishes there’s just time to cream some of the members in the face. Well I didn’t think it was that kind of…oh…with like foam pies and stuff…
The Chairman marking one poor soul who will be dealt with more thoroughly later.
I like this next bit. Mao enjoying herself torturing some poor idol then…
An important life lesson learned there. Always watch out for the next counter-revolution.
Lesson learned. Forearm to Kiki’s face. I have a home waiting where forearms to the face are strictly prohibited. I shall start adoption proceedings immediately.
And there you have it. Mission accomplished. I now know all their names. Maybe. Anyway it’s actually an entertaining DVD once you get past the weird tediously long crying bit. The idols are given fun things to do and this type of format works so well in these DVD’s. Having the idols compete gives a chance for personalities to shine, for laughs to be had and for the viewers bonds for idols to flourish as you find yourself rooting for various idols even though all they are doing is playing silly games. As an introduction point for the Tsubaki members it works for me. I should probably check out volume one sometime. Tsubaki are more active now and could be about to get more interesting!